Thursday, May 3, 2012

Christian's Entry for May 2012

((1exp for time, 1 sub, 1 ref, 1 progress = 4exp))

Woah. Holy crap it feels like /year/ have gone by since I last communicated with all of you. I know it’s only been a month, but... you won’t believe how fast life can change out here in the field. Actually you do, judging on the messages people wrote this month. Some serious stuff going on. In order to avoid undue concern, I have saved discussion of myself for last. I really am genuinely sorry to you all for being so... dramatic... last month. I have adjusted better now, and my needs are not nearly so dramatic as I made them out to be. My quest for humanity is finding fruit, you see! But I’ll get to that as I talk about everyone specifically.

Holy crap Darrel! Captured and /tortured/? We’ve sure come a long way from the innocent play of the past, haven’t we? I admire your courage in sticking through it. That violence does seem pointless, but I understand it is the language of your species. Would that I could strip the stupid mystery-cult knowledge hoarding from my people. Of course that /is/ what I’m trying to do, but... that’s neither here nor there. I know you will make a full emotional recovery from your torture. Suffice it to say, I have been forced to endure pain of a similar nature, though without that severity. I can’t regenerate like you and Ricky do, so thank goodness there was no... permanent damage done. I understand the system of your people very little, but if I understand the Symbolism then Purity is very similar to my own study and appreciation of Prime. The language of life, and knowledge, and truth. Maybe I’m wrong. I haven’t had the chance to experiment with real magic in a whole month. I still remember, though. I SIGNED MY NAME! Not even this vow can take that from me! Gnosis! Greek! Do you know what it is? A verb! The /ACT/ of knowing! I know! I understand! The truth is within my grasp! Or... it was. It’s been so long since I felt the Supernal in my hands. Did I ever really - moving on from that line of inquiry.

Austin - you had quite a bit to say, and now I suppose I have quite a bit to say is response. Damn the Guardians if they think they can silence me - they cannot! Find me if you can, cowards! Hide behind your lies and your veils all you want - knowledge /is/ enlightenment! If you’re reading me, read that! See if you can stop me! If I survive this ritual, your knees will bow to the truth - the truth that knowledge is free! But I digress - Austin. What I have done is sacrifice everything I was to see who I really am. The soul is the mother of magic, from the soul alone does it flow. My body might not be similar at all, and I might not currently remember English, but my soul is intact. Yes, the soul. An entirely speculative thing for you, but to me let me assure you an utterly concrete reality. There is no need to involve faith in the matter when you have learned to meditate /into/ the physical realm that is your own soul. When you have signed its mark in the Realms Above with a hand that knew no guile.

You want me to tell you all? Alright! I know exactly what I have become. A different person, living in a foreign land. My fate is sealed, a Vow made not to a person but to Creation itself. The Vow is a spell, a spell designed to teach me the truth I am looking for. But what truth is that? First, let me address the utter reality of quantum mechanics. The very /act/ of observing has a real physical effect on the universe in a way that we at present do not understand. It is my present theory that Cthulhu and his ilk, including the higher gods whose names I must not speak, are the spawn of the Abyss - that void you mention in that picture of our reality you paint. They cannot exist here, because they violate the /true/ laws we know. But they do anyway. This is what we call a paradox. By being here, they /change/ the rules of our universe by altering (usually cutting) the very threads of the tapestry. The laws of the universe are rewritten to allow their awful false-life and our world falls a little further from the supernal.

But it was not always that way, you see! I think that Cthulhu and all these other vile things - like the Itgam - are Paradoxes that have crept in from the outside since the Void was created. The ultimate solution is not to treat the symptoms, fighting every impossible thing, but sever the mundus from the Abyss forever. Cut from the source of their power, all these false lies would wither to nothing, leaving only the true matter behind. The idea of humanity’s vast insignificance in the face of cosmic infinity is not actual truth but another lie of the awful Abyss. The Void. If it can be opened, there must be a way to close it! Not that I have any idea what that /is/, except that... no mage could do it. We would need to work together in vast numbers. In order to learn how to close the Void, I am endeavoring to discover how it /opened/, so that our universe might be sealed away forever from the awful things outside it.

We mages have our theories about what caused the rift to form, but frankly they seem as mythical as the ideas some of the other races have about the past. What we all need to do is find the truth - it’s what I’m doing at any rate. I don’t pretend to be positive about everything, or even everything. But it’s what seems wise, so that’s what I’ll do. And if any of you hear news about this, tell me! I am getting closer every day, but it is by no means a given thing. Just... expect myth and lies. Because that’s what’s mostly left. The /real/ secret lies in the tapistry itself. The laws of the universe that /all/ of us follow. Even you non-humans have to follow it in your own ways. That is why I am studying Prime. By learning magic itself, I hope to be able to read the lines of sympathy all the way back to the beginning. If any of you find anything with strange markings on it like Greek that feel subconsciously /familiar/ to you, send it to me right away. Or... I guess you don’t know how. Just... tell me where to find it, and I’ll pick it up eventually.

Now Austin, you wanted me to think hard and tell all I can: Alright. The spell uses the GNOSIS in me to animate a false body, whose sole purpose is leading me to the mystery I sought. When I do, the Master’s hand will take me, returned triumphant. But in some way I do not understand, to learn the secret of magic I must learn who I am. Who are you when everything that made you is taken away? The soul remains, and it is the Inner Universe I must understand. What makes a soul?

I have discovered one part of my answer: hope. Even in the awful dark of my situation, and those of those as low on society’s radar as me, there is hope. Those who don’t have it are quickly overcome. Hope is the will that drives us. It’s one of the few things that they could not take from me. I hope to survive this and unite the Orders in the Diamond Kingdom - an enlightened will to shake Cthulhu from the deep with will alone. But hope fails easily, and those who lose it are utterly lost. I have hope! From it I have the first piece of myself. Who knows how many I have left to find, but... the spell is showing its first signs of failing. When it does, hopefully I get my old body back, and I can be free.

Now, you speak somewhat on the magi’s view of the universe. Allow me to clarify. I have heard that theory. Paradoxes... when people witness magic who aren’t ready... are thought to widen the Abyss just a little. But there is no way to know. What I know is that I don’t blame the Union for it - or anyone. The Mysterium I wouldn’t worry about... they’re good people. The Veil... not so much. We will need to watch our backs for them. Sooner or later that old debt will call due. But if those telescopes see the Supernal, let me know what you see. The symbols there literally define our world.

Nobody needs to worry about me. I was too vocal with my suffering last time. It hasn’t changed, but... I can handle my conditions now. Nobody need worry about me - I’ll be fine. Nothing has... permanently damaged me, and I am getting way better at hiding. I do wish I hadn’t found myself in conditions like that, but I see no other way. Only if I complete this journey can I earn the respect of my race as a whole and unite the banners. Er... most of them. I doubt the Seers of the Throne will care what I have to say. But they’re neither here nor there. I am not happy or healthy, but I will be. Soon enough. Just bear with me, and I’ll be okay, promise.

Guess I can write the smokin’ hot fox out of my future, no thanks to you! X.x Just kidding. I’m glad things are working out for you, Rick. I’m doing well. Yeah, let’s call it that. Glad you and Amelia have hit it off. Interesting relationship, but... foxes being what they are I am not surprised. Please, no need for the details of your explorations into vixen engineering. I somehow doubt that relevant to our overall mission. I agree with you that getting closer to the truth always results in a stronger reaction. That’s how the Tapestry is woven.

Lizzie - thank goodness your life has stabilized. I share Austin’s worry for you, though I don’t understand your work well enough to pretend to tell you to stop. Still, there is one thing I need to ask you. First though, I applaud your restraint in your reaction to Rick’s news. I can’t say if I would be so calm in your place. Of course, it might not be the first thing on my mind in your situation. I guess having a world to save does help with that. Still, I wish you hadn’t died. What with... magic is beautiful. Someday when we meet, I’ll take the scales from your eyes and show you the world as I see it. But actually when this Vow is over, I need your help. I have learned of a library, a place where dead knowledge goes to be buried. If I interpret the symbolism right, it is in the Underworld. I cannot enter that dead domain, or navigate it. But you clearly do not lack the skill for that. When I am done with my Vow, can you take me to the library? I will do whatever you ask in payment. I have favors left I could ask on your behalf if that is what you want. Just... help me. Someday. I know your talents could get us there and back again. You always seemed to understand the dead. Not to short sell the others, but... I think this trip will do us more good than a social call. Besides... when this Vow is over, we’ll have a lot to talk about.

I cannot think of anything more to report. I am making progress with my vow, and thus learning what will one day grant us victory. Somehow. I’m sorry for the awful explanation. I’ll do better next time I promise.

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