Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Austin's Entry for February 2012

((Mwuhaha. 1 point for relatively on time, 1 point for subplot, 1 point for progress))

The confusion never seems to ebb. It seems like there just aren't any questions out there content to simply have an answer. Every question always has more questions, always. I don't feel like I have much time for charity, for love, or for sentimentality. Quite frankly I'm exhausted. You know what's a good something to compare me too? Those AI's from the Halo books. Spend my life thinking so much I forget to breath. Only ever seems to get worse, too, but I'll be damned if I start generalizing again; I can't afford to do that. If life is too short not to generalize a little, well, then I intend not to die, thanks.

But... progress! Progress of a sort! It hit me the other day. In the magical community you'll often hear the phrase 'Distance is an illusion'. While in the community of physicists it'll sometimes be said that 'The universe is a 3d projection, like a hologram'. For the most part I was ready to dismiss both of these claims, but then a few days ago a monstrous epiphany attacked me, and I thought “Christ on a cracker! These two go together don't they?!” I'd never really spared much thought for either concept before, but now I think I understand. If the universe really is holographic than certainly distance IS an illusion. You could compare quantum mechanics to the operating system of a computer. If there was a man living in a virtual world, and you told him that all his reality could be described with and is in fact composed of ones and zeros, he might ask how far apart they are, or how big they are, or where they are. These are all ridiculous questions. Or I suppose they are, since I'm not a programmer. But what I believe is that none of them could be answered, except to say that the ones and zero have no size, no and no relative position, just like atoms. You can't ever see them; it wouldn't be like those dumb scenes in the matrix where they flow up and down the walls, but they create the world.

And of course, Mr. Virtual world would not be moving, even if it looked as if he was. Nothing in his world could truly move as we understand it. I'm not sure exactly what you would call it; perhaps transforming one’s environment into one's destination. Yet this of course raises all the scary questions that don't leave me alone. If distance is an illusion, does that mean individuality is an illusion too? There has to be a better word to use than illusion, what could it be? The more I delve into ontological magic the more I find myself willing to forgive those who chose to keep their 'firm foundations' and cozy identities. Any evidence for free will? Nopenopenope, not yet. What even is free will, anyway? I'd give anything to just pick a path and take a side like I used to.

Now, to the matter at hand. I can't imagine what specifically could help us besides more knowledge. Whose god is rushing to our aid now? I know very little about the divine, but it seems to me like whether allies or not the... supernal... avatars, aren't exactly enthroned in this universe. Rather... though I don't mean to be dramatic, and while yes it is all just speculation on my part, it seems like the old gods, and in particular the 'outer' gods, are the true masters of this world. Effectively, anyway. My theory is that... these beings are so unfathomably different from us and so huge, that they don't even really notice us much. I suspect... though it's painful to contemplate, that they aren't even particularly malevolent towards us, no more so than when you or I wash our hands with soap to kill bacteria. That's how I think we should think of ourselves right now. We're like a colony of germs inhabiting a single skin-cell on great Yog-Sothoth's forehead. Even if he knows we're there, do you really expect him to stop showering?

Now, speaking of, what bolsters my idea, I think, is the frequent description in cultist literature of lord Yog-Sothoth and lord Az'sothoth as the center of the universe. Now, the universe HAS no physical center, so the only meaning I can derive is metaphysical, which is to say if the Outer Gods are the center of the universe, then they are likely in charge of the universe, in command of its laws to some... probably significant extent. Likely they stole the throne; seems to be what the stories say. Anyway, that's my theory. A... curiosity at best. C'thulu and his cohorts are of course another matter entirely, but... basically just trying to keep things in perspective. If you think about it, the situation is so incredibly desperate right now that there really isn't any point to be afraid. All we can do is our best.

Now, here's what I've been doing. I've never really been one to initiate things, but we're famous now, so I haven’t had to. I get to meet a lot people and have a lot of discussions. It's very fortunate that the Free Council doesn't play host to very many convention or super conventional people, plus with all the scary shit going down people's minds are probably a bit more open than usual. So... what we're after... is the Necronomicon. We need knowledge, and that book offers knowledge potentially from the very heart of reality, or close to it. At any rate it should help us to understand the danger better. It turns out the Deep Web does have the Necronomicon; actually turns out that's pretty common knowledge on the Deep Web. The pages are all spread out, encoded in packettes all over. Now the problem is, they're all in ancient Arabic. I don't speak Arabic; I don't know anyone I can trust who speaks Arabic. The question must be asked whether anyone has ever translated it, or whether it can be translated without losing too much of its substance. Anyone I might ask about it is crotchety and old, and probably has something like your ridiculous mindset, Chris: Bad book! Bad book! No! Shew! No touchey! But, sorry, I was staring into abyssal maws way before this shit started going down.

And of course, this is why I'm also looking into time. I remember, Lizzie, and I remember how back then I barely gave a piss about time. I remember I asked you once or twice what exactly made you so fascinated about it. Never got a clear answer; kinda' assumed it was just... a thing, and left it that. In my case I can tell you exactly why I'm interested: ontology. I'm not even sure why exactly, I just strongly suspect that time, and likely space as well, is the key to understanding the true nature of reality. Knowledge like that, for me, would be its own reward, and knowledge is power. Power is its own reward too. Whatever you do, don't let time and space meet up. You know what happens? A universe happens. Stuff gets everywhere. I have to ask, why Japan? Is there something I missed? Floods happen. Natural disasters happen. I mean the tsunami was only a few years ago.

Better wrap this up. If anyone of you know anything about how to get hold of a legible English translation of the Necronomicon, you know who to either go to right away, or avoid at all costs.

P.S. Ricky, I miss you. I got a cat. His name is Bismarck. He's really sweet. You jelly?

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