Darrel's Entry for May 2012

(4exp)

Well, here goes. Right nowI tand between… a sort of border between the normal Spirit World, if it can be called such, funny, I've gotten so used to it that I am claiming the Spirit World has a sense of normality to it now. As I was saying, between the Spirit World we know it, and the what I heard many tribal elders call the Deep Umbra. Technically, it's gradual sort of transition, rather than a hard border, but I'm going to call it a border because it's easier to think of it like that.

I've done some hard things in the past month, most of them involving lots of fighting…and some hard decisions. Three members of the expedition force have been killed due to unrest in light of the previous extermination. Stragglers here and there, extermination isn't exactly clean, always a survivor or two and accusatory fingers point everywhere. Me in particular for being held captive especially since I recently made an ally of a pack of Pure werewolves, numbering about twelve or so in all. They want in to, for many of the same reasons I'm embarking on this mad quest to begin with. I was reluctant to have them on the roster, but I needed the supplies and they threatened to delay me if I didn't allow them to tag along. So as you can imagine, werewolves who are already agitated easily enough are being forced to work with.

But that's not the only thing that's bothering me. Again, this new pack is mostly made up of recent converts, barely been werewolves for half a year led by an older, more experienced Uratha than I. In fact, I hear that it's not just me, but there's more and more werewolf packs prowling the streets. I shit my pants when I realized this. I know that supernatural activity, especially conversions and transformations, has been rising in the past year, especially since the Ritual we did on that boat. The recent increases in Mages and Sin-eaters can be attributed more to the the general awareness or the side effects of the rite's passing. But here's the thing, according to Our lore, Luna is the One who determines when one of the wolf blooded changes. And if that's the case, that means that She's been enacting a massive draft. I know spirits are insane and all or at least by human standards, but let me tell you, that I know when the proverbial Godzilla Threshold has been reached when making more Uratha becomes a valid option.

It pains me to leave the mortal world right now, but I have to go, there may not be another chance for me to delve this deeply into the Deep Umbra again. There's this… wall being erected between the Deep Umbra and the Hisil, I don't really know why or how, but if I wait too long now, I may not be able to go into the Deeps. I think that Gaia, the spirit of Earth herself knows that the end is coming, and she's defending herself in whatever way she can. No one has ever contacted her in Millennia, but if there's any Spirits out there, it'd be her. I've done the math and well… Luna and Helios the Primary Moon and Sun Spirits might be strong, but Gaia could take on them both at the same time… atleast, that's what I think, considering that Gaia would be composed of every other spirit and idea on earth, not just natural ones, but conceptual and city spirits too, as She would be the sum total of existence on Earth and thus arguably have more power than any other spirit.

So you see It's now or never, my team's ready. We've got three whole werewolf packs and a couple of mages here and there. None of us got anything more advanced than a revolver, and even then, I'm not sure how useful that'll be in a place no one is sure of since no one has returned from the Deep Umbra before to tell us. This may be the last message I'll make in a while, depending on if the communicators work or not in the Deeps. So I will leave you with the following words

Lizzie, I don't really understand what you mean, but I'll tell you what I know. For starters I don't understand what you mean by "eating magic" do you mean literal eating or something? I've heard of werewolves eating magic before, but it really depends on if they've been given the power to do so. We gain our Gifts from spirits who "bless us" with something connected to their nature. So, a hunger spirit might give a werewolf the power to eat magic, or maybe since it's death magic, it might be a fungal spirit that does the deed. It's all symbolism in the end. Such a gift would be rare and well sought after, but it is possible. Werewolves also gain Essense, the stuff of spirit energy is made of from eating prey animals ( or cannibalizing wolves and humans) or drawing it from a font of Spiritual energy called a Locus, which is probably more of what Mr. White was talking about.  Fortunately for you, loci take forever, maybe years, to make, but can be destroyed, if you know how. Also, Japan I'm sure has plenty of werewolves,  who might help you in this regard, not all of us are wholly inhuman. If you ask around, I'm sure that you'll find a werewolf pack or two who supports you and if you ask nicely might help you find a Locus that has death tainted resonance so that you can "defile" it. Defiling a locus is simply creating a counter resonance to taint it. In the case of a death locus, things such as planting trees or flowers may destroy it overtime. We do a lot of this in Denver, and results vary depending on size and scale of the defilement. I will be honest and say I don't know you that much, but I trust you to make the right decisions. What you're doing is good and I hope what I know about spirits helps you.

Christian, we both come from ancient societies that have been stuck in their ways since the fall of Rome. Both of our elders, mage and werewolf alike hope for a return to the so called golden ages, where their kind ruled. I know only a bit about Atlantis from that Thyrus I recruited, but I know enough to say that it is just as foolish and insane as the me wanting to return to Pangea. We must make our masters realize that Golden ages are dead and will never return to the way things once were. Pangea and Atlantis are buried under by layers of strata, remembered but dead. I want to see a future that is neither, both have failed already. I hope to see something new.

Ricky, in many ways, I think you might be right, but at the same time, it kinda scares me. What you're saying is essentially we were put in just the right place to do these things. Now, what bugs me is who did planned all this. Someone must have and frankly, where we are right now makes it extremely unlikely that this is all one big accident. So let me ask you Ricky, who's pulling the strings? We're assuming they must be good because whoever it is benefitting us, atleast for the time being. It might not be that way forever and quite frankly, I don't like being manipulated unless I know who is doing it is on my side.

Austin, it is inneviable now that I know that Luna has been marshalling the whole goddamn bloodline into an army. The Uratha will fight, but for whom, that is uncertain. I will be gone for I do not know how long, but I know that whatever happens, I will be changed. I hope that I become, I will be able to lead my kind as I was destined to. I do hope that you're feeling alright… you don't exactly sound like yourself right now, but I guess life must be hard for being a vanilia mortal. Old friend, if worst comes to worst and I am not as I should be, I want you to put me down.

I just realzied, how funny it is, here I am five months later, and I still haven't chosen a deedname for myself yet. Everyone else in my packs have atleast one. I guess, when I do return, I'll tell you if I earn one.

I'm going now, I will contact you once it is safe to do so. Comrades, I will see you all agai

Darrel.

Rick's Entry for May 2012

(( 1pt for barely on time, 1 pt for plot, 1pt for mentioning what people are doing, 1pt for hot vixen... I mean, subplot. ))

Vixen engineering, huh? I do have a lot to say about that Chris, but I think I will keep it to myself. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, as always. I can't have a regular message starting with the beginning and ending with the end, can I? It would be too... how to say... normal. I don't do normal. Amelia is a proof of that. (Rimshot)

Heh, anyway, enough of those punny jokes. You probably all want to hear about world saving and such. I can't say I've done a lot of that this month, which I must apologize for. Between work, spending time with Amelia, the social frictions between the local factions and the inevitable urges to transform, I can't say I've spent a lot of time searching for the Truth, whatever it might be. Don't take this as a total rejection of our quest, though. I did have time to read your messages and to think about them, to ponder some solutions, some answers that would fill the Void left by our lack of knowledge. Oops, I did it again. Sorry.

As you can see, I'm in a pretty good mood. I'm sure you know a good half of why, so I will focus on the other half you may not be aware of. First, as Christian said, thanks for being so accepting of my relationship with Amy! I need to give you a big hug when I see you! ...or... maybe polite, timid one. Vixens can be territorial. They are bitches after all. Heh, that one was mean, sorry Amelia, even if you don't read this. I need to make it up later. In more than one way.

...Oops?

In a change of topic, I'm also glad that everyone is well... I think. I'm not really sure about Christian and Austin. I think you guys are competing to see who will come up with the most insane statement regarding life, Universe and everything. I think Chris is ahead on this, but your efforts aren't going unnoticed, Austin. Personally, I don't really get any of that. This mage thing sounds like a sect of people flying up there with the most ridiculous ideas of our time. I'm glad to be down to Earth with Darrel, kind of keep some kind of balance. And Lizzie is somewhere in the middle. Not quite sane, not quite insane either. I blame her fish. Tasty insane thing. Mmm.... fish... I would so dig my claws into her, savour her delicious, taunting flesh...

Eeep, bad kitty! I think I will go eat some sea food after this to calm down the urges to go out there hunting little mermaids. Ooooopsie. ^.^ I'm not quite done emptying my bag' O puns, it seems. Maybe I should keep a count. That would be something productive. Oh, speaking of productivity, I may not have been tortured like Darrel, fighting Cheiron like Lizzie, hiding behind a Vow like Christian or doing whatever it is Austin is doing (we really need to see each other, bro), but I did do some stuff! I can't believe I didn't talk about it yet. Seems like I have the attention span of a kitten. Meow! Rawr!

I've thought about this 'hole in the tapestry' thing. I don't know much about esoteric weaving. but I've been thinking... what if instead of looking for a way for closing that hole between our world and the Abyss, why don't we look for the reason there was a hole in the first place? The way I see it, the hole is like a program crash. We know it's there, it blew up in our face, but just restarting the program isn't going to prevent the crash from happening again. We must look into the source, find the reason that causes that crash to happen and fix that. I think that's why Mages alone can't do it. They have the ability to keep the program in check and to modify it to some degree, but they don't have a global understanding of all of its functions. All of us, this group, we each represent a part of the world. Christian is the magic, Lizzie is the spirit of the deceased, Darrel is a manifestation of the living spirits, I am a representative of the animal kingdom, Megan is our link to Arcadia and Austin is a soul at the crossing of worlds. Together, we make parts of this grand programs and I think each of us will bring a part in this bug fix we are looking for. It's no coincidence that we were brought together since early age, that we all changed into different species... even Rami's death may be part of this. Maybe I'm just seeing things, but I'm convinced whatever forces of Good there is in this world of Darkness, they all planned this to some extend. We just need to keep looking in our respective species backyard for the piece each of us is supposed to find. Or something. Jst my two cents.

Sooo.... yup, I'm done rambling. FISH TIME WITH AMELIA!

Austin's Entry for May 2012

((Three points))

Ohhhhhhh.... ohhhh I get it, it's like Homestuck! Nifty... I hope this isn't just a dream. I shouldn't think too much about it. I doubt it will last long, just one of those moments. Am I using correct punctuation and stuff? I can't really control what I say or do right now, maybe. I can't go back and fix anything. I can't see what's being encoded. Pardon if there's something important I fail to talk about, since ah... at the moment I can't review your recent messages. Have to go from memory. So... from the ominoculary we can't see into the supernal, no. I don't know if that's even possible, though now I know I know less even than there is to not know. The equipment wasn't even supposed to lo... to look past the hedge. What we saw... we observed... was like a hypercube, threedimensional shadows of fourdimensional objects and landscapes. Head on, apply directly to the brain. Those were overwhelming enough. I can't describe to you the beauty I've seen, beauty enough to cause injuries and firestorms. The fires are hot enough to consume souls.



Indent...

Indent...

yyyess....



For a fleeting instant I glimpsed a shadow. The only way I can describe it is to say it was brighter than the sun at noonday. I was blinded. I'm afraid when I wake up I will truly be blind. I'm going to paraphrase someone else, now. You look to your left and to your right, but neither is any harder than the opposite. But in this sleep I can look left and right in the stream of time, I have even looked up. What happens then? What if I dive in? Ahhh, then the madness begins. Fat lot of good it all does, seeing all, it's too big for me. I can't see anything. Something is seeping into me, a silo of grain, of sand, is on top of me and slowly pouring in. I am doing my best to let in slow. I have no desire to keep it out, only to digest it rather than be consumed myself. I don't suppose this will last. This power... is raw, fresh. There is simply a lot of it. Here. All at once, but for all I can do. What am I saying? I have never slept so soundly, so comfortably as now. Nothing in creation matters to me. Like you Darrel. You were tortured and hurt, but I don't care. The softness of the mattress, the faint cool breeze from downstairs... they seem to have carried me to my room... nothing else matters, only the good things, but not really. I promise I will care when I wake up, though. This will not last. The nightmares are coming. It's a bitter cup I have to drink, but I'm too curios. Hope? I don't need hope. I have curiosity. I accept everything. I am a black hole. I should shuddup.


Annd... sssspaaaaccccee....


Kris, I can't tell you happy your message made me. All I can say is, huzzah, huzzah, fight on! Don't give up the ship, fight to the last man! Would that we could stand together, that the world might never overtake us. Be strong, take courage... and lay low. Lizzie... Lizzie, don't be mad. Don't be upset. Please. I don't pretend to know what's best for you, I just pretend to know what's best for everyone else. If you die again someone else, dies. You know that right? Don't you understand? Is that not true after all? Why don't leave Cheiron alone? What do you know about them? They could be part of what the world needs most now, I think. How do you know they can't make you and them alive again? Even the Guardians of the Veil are wiser... they are right, maybe. Would that I could dialogue with them now. They understand what's important, I think. The free council are all communists and hipsters and pigs, but for a few. The guardians understand that it is always but for a few. The typical person... the human being... he has fallen so low he is animal. Except some they are all animals! Cruel, filthy, wretched, stupid, hopeless. Perhaps those who cannot love or reason, perhaps they ought to be... they've begun, the nightmares... so much hate!


Ricky... Darrel, before I go... whatever, the followers of the old ways are nothing, they're finished! You keep on the path you're marching and you're just a corpse waiting to be sent back to the grave. I'm sorry... it's just... I... no, that's wrong. I understand. Sometimes I wonder if victory is the only way to end wars. Now I know it's true. The bitterness can run so deep sometimes, so that the only way to peace is the complete extermination of one side or the other. I prefer that to the Season Unending. It's no crime to look after your own. It's no crime to do what you must. Dear god... if I have anything to say about it... let the Uratha lead the charge, as was fated them. You can't imagine the bloodshed. Let our peace be a victory, so that even the dead will have finally seen an end to war.

Christian's Entry for May 2012

((1exp for time, 1 sub, 1 ref, 1 progress = 4exp))

Woah. Holy crap it feels like /year/ have gone by since I last communicated with all of you. I know it’s only been a month, but... you won’t believe how fast life can change out here in the field. Actually you do, judging on the messages people wrote this month. Some serious stuff going on. In order to avoid undue concern, I have saved discussion of myself for last. I really am genuinely sorry to you all for being so... dramatic... last month. I have adjusted better now, and my needs are not nearly so dramatic as I made them out to be. My quest for humanity is finding fruit, you see! But I’ll get to that as I talk about everyone specifically.

Holy crap Darrel! Captured and /tortured/? We’ve sure come a long way from the innocent play of the past, haven’t we? I admire your courage in sticking through it. That violence does seem pointless, but I understand it is the language of your species. Would that I could strip the stupid mystery-cult knowledge hoarding from my people. Of course that /is/ what I’m trying to do, but... that’s neither here nor there. I know you will make a full emotional recovery from your torture. Suffice it to say, I have been forced to endure pain of a similar nature, though without that severity. I can’t regenerate like you and Ricky do, so thank goodness there was no... permanent damage done. I understand the system of your people very little, but if I understand the Symbolism then Purity is very similar to my own study and appreciation of Prime. The language of life, and knowledge, and truth. Maybe I’m wrong. I haven’t had the chance to experiment with real magic in a whole month. I still remember, though. I SIGNED MY NAME! Not even this vow can take that from me! Gnosis! Greek! Do you know what it is? A verb! The /ACT/ of knowing! I know! I understand! The truth is within my grasp! Or... it was. It’s been so long since I felt the Supernal in my hands. Did I ever really - moving on from that line of inquiry.

Austin - you had quite a bit to say, and now I suppose I have quite a bit to say is response. Damn the Guardians if they think they can silence me - they cannot! Find me if you can, cowards! Hide behind your lies and your veils all you want - knowledge /is/ enlightenment! If you’re reading me, read that! See if you can stop me! If I survive this ritual, your knees will bow to the truth - the truth that knowledge is free! But I digress - Austin. What I have done is sacrifice everything I was to see who I really am. The soul is the mother of magic, from the soul alone does it flow. My body might not be similar at all, and I might not currently remember English, but my soul is intact. Yes, the soul. An entirely speculative thing for you, but to me let me assure you an utterly concrete reality. There is no need to involve faith in the matter when you have learned to meditate /into/ the physical realm that is your own soul. When you have signed its mark in the Realms Above with a hand that knew no guile.

You want me to tell you all? Alright! I know exactly what I have become. A different person, living in a foreign land. My fate is sealed, a Vow made not to a person but to Creation itself. The Vow is a spell, a spell designed to teach me the truth I am looking for. But what truth is that? First, let me address the utter reality of quantum mechanics. The very /act/ of observing has a real physical effect on the universe in a way that we at present do not understand. It is my present theory that Cthulhu and his ilk, including the higher gods whose names I must not speak, are the spawn of the Abyss - that void you mention in that picture of our reality you paint. They cannot exist here, because they violate the /true/ laws we know. But they do anyway. This is what we call a paradox. By being here, they /change/ the rules of our universe by altering (usually cutting) the very threads of the tapestry. The laws of the universe are rewritten to allow their awful false-life and our world falls a little further from the supernal.

But it was not always that way, you see! I think that Cthulhu and all these other vile things - like the Itgam - are Paradoxes that have crept in from the outside since the Void was created. The ultimate solution is not to treat the symptoms, fighting every impossible thing, but sever the mundus from the Abyss forever. Cut from the source of their power, all these false lies would wither to nothing, leaving only the true matter behind. The idea of humanity’s vast insignificance in the face of cosmic infinity is not actual truth but another lie of the awful Abyss. The Void. If it can be opened, there must be a way to close it! Not that I have any idea what that /is/, except that... no mage could do it. We would need to work together in vast numbers. In order to learn how to close the Void, I am endeavoring to discover how it /opened/, so that our universe might be sealed away forever from the awful things outside it.

We mages have our theories about what caused the rift to form, but frankly they seem as mythical as the ideas some of the other races have about the past. What we all need to do is find the truth - it’s what I’m doing at any rate. I don’t pretend to be positive about everything, or even everything. But it’s what seems wise, so that’s what I’ll do. And if any of you hear news about this, tell me! I am getting closer every day, but it is by no means a given thing. Just... expect myth and lies. Because that’s what’s mostly left. The /real/ secret lies in the tapistry itself. The laws of the universe that /all/ of us follow. Even you non-humans have to follow it in your own ways. That is why I am studying Prime. By learning magic itself, I hope to be able to read the lines of sympathy all the way back to the beginning. If any of you find anything with strange markings on it like Greek that feel subconsciously /familiar/ to you, send it to me right away. Or... I guess you don’t know how. Just... tell me where to find it, and I’ll pick it up eventually.

Now Austin, you wanted me to think hard and tell all I can: Alright. The spell uses the GNOSIS in me to animate a false body, whose sole purpose is leading me to the mystery I sought. When I do, the Master’s hand will take me, returned triumphant. But in some way I do not understand, to learn the secret of magic I must learn who I am. Who are you when everything that made you is taken away? The soul remains, and it is the Inner Universe I must understand. What makes a soul?

I have discovered one part of my answer: hope. Even in the awful dark of my situation, and those of those as low on society’s radar as me, there is hope. Those who don’t have it are quickly overcome. Hope is the will that drives us. It’s one of the few things that they could not take from me. I hope to survive this and unite the Orders in the Diamond Kingdom - an enlightened will to shake Cthulhu from the deep with will alone. But hope fails easily, and those who lose it are utterly lost. I have hope! From it I have the first piece of myself. Who knows how many I have left to find, but... the spell is showing its first signs of failing. When it does, hopefully I get my old body back, and I can be free.

Now, you speak somewhat on the magi’s view of the universe. Allow me to clarify. I have heard that theory. Paradoxes... when people witness magic who aren’t ready... are thought to widen the Abyss just a little. But there is no way to know. What I know is that I don’t blame the Union for it - or anyone. The Mysterium I wouldn’t worry about... they’re good people. The Veil... not so much. We will need to watch our backs for them. Sooner or later that old debt will call due. But if those telescopes see the Supernal, let me know what you see. The symbols there literally define our world.

Nobody needs to worry about me. I was too vocal with my suffering last time. It hasn’t changed, but... I can handle my conditions now. Nobody need worry about me - I’ll be fine. Nothing has... permanently damaged me, and I am getting way better at hiding. I do wish I hadn’t found myself in conditions like that, but I see no other way. Only if I complete this journey can I earn the respect of my race as a whole and unite the banners. Er... most of them. I doubt the Seers of the Throne will care what I have to say. But they’re neither here nor there. I am not happy or healthy, but I will be. Soon enough. Just bear with me, and I’ll be okay, promise.

Guess I can write the smokin’ hot fox out of my future, no thanks to you! X.x Just kidding. I’m glad things are working out for you, Rick. I’m doing well. Yeah, let’s call it that. Glad you and Amelia have hit it off. Interesting relationship, but... foxes being what they are I am not surprised. Please, no need for the details of your explorations into vixen engineering. I somehow doubt that relevant to our overall mission. I agree with you that getting closer to the truth always results in a stronger reaction. That’s how the Tapestry is woven.

Lizzie - thank goodness your life has stabilized. I share Austin’s worry for you, though I don’t understand your work well enough to pretend to tell you to stop. Still, there is one thing I need to ask you. First though, I applaud your restraint in your reaction to Rick’s news. I can’t say if I would be so calm in your place. Of course, it might not be the first thing on my mind in your situation. I guess having a world to save does help with that. Still, I wish you hadn’t died. What with... magic is beautiful. Someday when we meet, I’ll take the scales from your eyes and show you the world as I see it. But actually when this Vow is over, I need your help. I have learned of a library, a place where dead knowledge goes to be buried. If I interpret the symbolism right, it is in the Underworld. I cannot enter that dead domain, or navigate it. But you clearly do not lack the skill for that. When I am done with my Vow, can you take me to the library? I will do whatever you ask in payment. I have favors left I could ask on your behalf if that is what you want. Just... help me. Someday. I know your talents could get us there and back again. You always seemed to understand the dead. Not to short sell the others, but... I think this trip will do us more good than a social call. Besides... when this Vow is over, we’ll have a lot to talk about.

I cannot think of anything more to report. I am making progress with my vow, and thus learning what will one day grant us victory. Somehow. I’m sorry for the awful explanation. I’ll do better next time I promise.